April Page 2


I bring things on myself. Stress and anxiety over things that either could have been prevented or that I have out of habit made a mountain out of instead of stepping over. Karma comes and does it job as well from time to time, but most of the time I  do its job quite well enough on my own. Karma doesn’t have to bother to make house calls at my residence.

I know I am not alone in this or there won’t be the market for the tens of thousands of self-help books and hundreds empowerment seminars.  I know that change must come from with in myself and that no book can give the change I need in my life.  Still, it is tempting to think that if I read this book or take this class everything will finally be alright.

It feels like I am alone. All alone the only human being on the planet over thirty that doesn’t have everything already figured out.

Sad really.

Reality however is completely different from perception. And it is perception that shapes the individual’s reality.  None of us as a result are living in the real world. I feel at times like I was sold a bill of goods as a child. Work hard and everything will fall into place.

Things have fallen.

Nothing fitting into the pegged hole it has been assigned.

They have tumbled and twisted themselves.

And now I have to pick them up. I have to pick myself up every morning before the sun comes up and take my dog for a walk.  It is work to convince myself that it is worth it.  That in the end, there is a pay off.  A healthier body and mind as well as a happier puppy.  There is also a trade off.  I can’t stop. I can’t ever stop. I have to continue to work on my health.  There is no stopping. If I stop walking Luke, eventually he will take matters into his own paws.

There is no day off from life.  Sure you can hide in your bed for a day. Pretend that there is nothing outside of the confines of your comforter but eventually you have to get up an pee. There is no way around it.  Eventually you have to get up and keep going with life. It doesn’t stop when it is too hard or too much.

Life doesn’t care. It simply doesn’t give a …. bad word about it. It continues onward and upward without any regard to who is feeling down at the moment.

Sometimes I think that this or that is too much. An expression that I absolutely hate when my students use it and has completely saturated my mental vocabulary. Work is too much. The house is too much. The electric bill is too much, well that is almost always the case.  Life is overwhelming. It is unrelenting and is never going to stop progressing forward.

It is simply in its nature.

Let it do its thing and don’t take it personally.

Seriously.

It isn’t trying to be mean or rain on your parade.  It doesn’t even understand that your is day for a parade.  It has been marching since the beginning of time.

March with it or get out of the way.

But, do not blame it.

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