For the last week or so, my fellow teaching diva, Lisa, as been bugging me to go out with a friend of her’s; a nice young man just looking to go out and have some fun. On the surface, it is what I am looking for, but I am not ready.. not ready to open my world up again. It is one of the reasons that I haven’t taken advantage of other offers as kind as they were.
On the surface, it would be just for fun, but… well there it is again, once the “but” pops up things get messy. There is a big part of me that isn’t ready to “move on”. What I want … well that is the question, isn’t it.
In Theory, a place I don’t actually live, I want to fix up my new place, get ahead of my bills and continue writing. Not actually living in the land of Theory, things are far more complex. I do desire companionship, love and more.
Choosing to be single doesn’t mean that I have given up or am waving the white flag. It does mean, for me, at least that I am choosing to spend time working on Lu; choosing to figure out somethings that been calling my heart, mind and soul for a while.
Sounds mysterious, well, that’s the best I can do for the moment on explaining where I am in life. As much a I want things to be simple, they won’t be as long as the dreaded “but” is still present in my life. I know, Lisa, and my other friends, want me to be happy and for that I love them more than words can say, but for now I am content to live this life of mine; listening to the laughter of friends, sharing the confusion with my students and just being imperfect me…