The page went blank a couple of moments ago; all my precious thoughts disappeared. The words that I was trying to craft were lost. They could have been retrieved. When they blinked out of existence I could have clicked undo and restored them.
I didn’t. I stopped myself. I just stared into the blankness and realized that I didn’t want them back. I wanted to start anew.
Each morning when your eyes blink open, there is an opportunity to start fresh. It goes by so fast that we often don’t even realize that a door has been opened. It is normally shut by the rush of daily thoughts or the desperate need for coffee.
A good, no a great, friend of mine was hurt by something I wrote. It doesn’t matter that it wasn’t my intention, the damage was still done. He went through hell a couple of years back and has clawed his way back from Hades. He has the scars to prove it.
What I wrote made him feel like I didn’t believe that he had changed. Like I didn’t believe in him. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
If I hadn’t believed in him, then I won’t have opened the door to him to come back into my life. Actually, I opened it and asked him to step through it.
Then I walked into my own version of Hades. This blog and my friend’s advice and steadfast presence have helped me see the light. I still have to do my own crawling. Knowing that I hurt him even inadvertently crushed a part of my heart.
Tomorrow morning when I wake up there is going to be a note on my alarm, a message to myself to take the opportunity to start my life anew. To be more aware of what I say and do. To try and avoid hurting someone I love and who means the world to me. To be a better me.